This last month has taught me a lot about myself....a lot.
I am a control freak
I find it hard to not offer assistance to my husband as he holds colt, burps him, feeds him etc. I try to hold my tongue and I think I have gotten better at letting things just happen but sometimes I know I bother him.
I am a neat freak
Since we have been home I cannot stand when things do not get put in their place immediately. I hate having dishes in the sink, backed up laundry, dusty shelfs and dirty floors. I have found myself cleaning and doing laundry more now than ever before (I thought this part of nesting would be over by now?!).
I am a VERY independent person
I have found it difficult to constantly be holding Colton and continually entertaining him. Don't get me wrong, I am IN LOVE with that little bug but I still have to manage to get some "me time" in the day. I don't know how you stay at home moms do it. I think I would go insane. And those who watch multiple children and other people's children....wow. kudos!!
I hate to admit it, I hate breastfeeding.
Don't judge me
This may be all due to the fact that it has been a somewhat difficult thing to master for Colton and I but it also has a little to do with that whole independent/controlling person thing. I find it difficult for me to transition from someone who has always done things my way, on my time schedule etc. to someone who is not only emotionally but also physically at the demands of someone else 24/7. I know most women talk about how the just LOVE nursing and love the bond and all that jazz and I can totally see that...in fact, I am guilty of saying so previous to actually nursing. So yes, I am eating crow now, it's not the most spectacular thing for he and I. I really don't mind it a few times a day, but to do it everyday 8 times a day is a little too much for me. Needless to say we have been pumping and bottle feeding a lot in between. This seems to work out the best for us now.
This post seems to be such a downer, Sorry! However, I really use this as a space where I can vent/journal so maybe I am not that sorry. hah. But I try to be as open and honest about everything because if not then this place would serve me no purpose.
Anyway, I have more pictures for you guys, after all that is all you probably stopped by for. They aren't that great, they are from my cell phone but you get the idea.
he had a death grip on his face when sleeping
I could not get him to sit up straight, he kept rolling into himself
He does LOVE bath time! especially when I wash his hair.
Puppy love
saying hello for the first time up close. Sawyer is very fond of bugger!
pups helping me keep an eye on colt
not sure where he got those loooong skinny fingers!
Hope everyone has a fabulous Tuesday! J has the day off so we will be snuggled up enjoying our little man!
oh, danielle! don't apologize. everything you said i think MOST moms feel to some degree. you've heard enough of my complaining on my blog too. motherhood is just HARD. one of the hardest things is that you are 100% responsible for that little baby. it's so hard not to be able to do what YOU want to do, WHEN you want to do it. i STILL struggle with this because i never seem to have enough me time. but it's something i'm realizing is just part of the deal. but i think it has really helped me grow into a better person over the years. you have to sacrifice a lot of yourself for you children, and you do it because you love them. that doesn't mean you don't sometimes complain along the way. : )
ReplyDeletehe's so stinkin' cute! keep up with those pictures!
I know you feel guilty when you say anything not glorious about your new life as a Mommy, but don't. We are all going through the same thing and the one's that seem to have a problem with it are usually the one's that have NEVER been through it and have NO IDEA. Don't apologize or feel like you have to explain. This is YOUR blog!
ReplyDeleteIt's funny when you are so determined to do something and it doesn't work the way you want it to. (Breastfeeding) I went through the same thing, but you have made it a whole hell of a lot longer than I did! :)
Thanks girls! Love having yalls support!
ReplyDeleteDanielle, ALL moms feel this way to some degree(well, I didn't feel the neat freak part), but you're used to being able to make your own decisions and do your own things and now there is this adorable little thing that needs ALL of your attention and literally rules all of your decisions. It gets better as you adjust to your new reality. At the end of the day the benefits greatly outweigh the costs! At 2 as they gain increasingly more independence it gets to be more and more fun every single day! We're at 4 and for the most part I can go and do anything I want. Unfortunately, for me, come July I am back at square one...
ReplyDeleteGirl, I feel ya. I did the pumping and bottle thing, and it worked great for me. And I still think Olivia and I have a really strong bond, so don't let anyone tell you what YOU should do. Do what works best for you. If pumping and bottles, or even formula and bottles make you a happier, more patient, and more loving mommy, then that is what is most important!
ReplyDeleteBabies/kids teach us so much! Just wait until you have a toddler that storms your house 24/7. I used to see Mom's with messy houses, and I never thought I would be one of them! But now I understand that even if I clean, I will always have to clean again. And its okay, I just need to relax a little and let her and I have some fun :)